Life, the Multiverse and Everything.

So, I finished watching the first series of Fringe a while back and have just started the second. It’s a great show. Yes, it does come off as a bit of an X-Files clone, using science instead of the paranormal, but that’s not to say it’s not good at what it does.



People heads explode, there’s a grotesque monster every now and again, the central trio are all brilliant in their roles, John Noble especially as the brilliant but mental Walter Bishop. It’s fairly disgusting most of the time and there’s even a character whose function is somewhat of a Where’s Wally game (The Observer*; if you watch the show, you’ll know what I’m on about).



* The Observer not only appears on Fringe itself, but has been sighted at certain real life events (only in the US, natch) like football games and in the audience of American Idol. Now that’s viral marketing. Also, I’m fairly certain I saw him one night as I was heading home from Donaghadee but that’s another story entirely.




The first season was mainly monster of the week fare, as most fantasy shows are when they first start out (Smallville, Supernatural, Buffy, even Lost to an extent; you know the type of show I mean, one where in every pre-title sequence somebody gets killed or something weird happens). But towards the end of its inaugural year, Fringe started to delve into the idea of alternate universes. The main character, Olivia, travelled to an alternate universe where the Twin Towers are still standing to meet the elusive William Bell, played by Leonard Nimoy who’s been doing his fair bit of universe hopping, between this and Star Trek. And from the two episodes I’ve watched of the second season, it appears as if most of this season will be dedicated to this type of story.

And I can’t wait.

I love the notion of the multiverse. It’s such an interesting concept; that there are an infinite number of universes in which things are drastically or minutely different to the universe we currently inhabit. Who wouldn’t love that? Lost dabbled in this alternate universe thing in its final season (unfortunately, although it did provide emotional closure to the series, it dropped the ball in terms of offering answers, and looking back was a real cop out in any episode but the finale) but Fringe embraces it with all it’s geek heart.



So far, we’ve only seen one alternate universe in Fringe, and I think that’s all we’re going to, as I imagine any more than that would get a little confusing (see DC Comics many different “Earth’s” if you want proof. Don’t even think about starting 52 or Infinite Crisis. It’s freaking impenetrable; I tried reading it once and had no clue about what was going on. I asked a big DC fan, and when he mentioned that there were many different variations of Earth, and that characters who may been dead in the core universe may not be dead in another but are somehow affected by events in the origi….oh no, I’ve gone cross eyed.), but it got me thinking about which other universes I’d like to visit.

The universe where there are actual superheroes; the universe where everyone is a Gerry Anderson puppet; the universe where dogs are humans and humans are dogs; the universe where people walk on their hands; the booblehead universe [note: that was a typo, but I like booblehead better than bobblehead so it’s staying]; the universe without shrimp; the universe with nothing but shrimp; the universe where that fucking Go Compare advert, Two and a Half Men and The X Factor don’t exist; the universe where the word ‘universe’ doesn’t exist (which would have made this blog really hard). Personally I’d like a universe where hay fever didn’t exist, that would be awesome.

Oh, and obviously there’s the Rosario Dawson universe.



I freaking love the multiverse, you may have noticed. I mean, I watched Sliders FFS. And it was terrible.

So, what do you all think?

JC

They’re coming to get you, Barbara

I’ve always thought a full scale zombie apocalypse would be cool.

Cause let’s face it, it would.



Once you get past the whole harrowing business of maybe having to kill your friends and family, it would be pretty awesome.

But you have to first of all work out what kind of zombie you’re facing, as it changes the survival chances pretty significantly. If we take the classic zombie (the ‘Romero’ zombie, if you will) I’d say your survival chances are pretty high, but there are many many problems with that. Cabin fever and depression namely, for what the classic zombie lacks in speed, it more than makes up for with persistence, and well, numbers. It’s the unrelenting nature of these guys that will likely drive you mad, and if you’re locked up in relative safety, you could well be there for a while, for as the movies have taught us, if the zombies know there’s people inside, they just moan and groan at the door until they get in, which they might never do. So basically, you’re trapped.



I remember when I worked in the Spar, we had discussions about how it would be quite a good place to hold up if it ever happened. Big shutters covering the doors and windows, access to a (albeit limited) supply of food, as well as the ability to get onto the roof if needs be. But, as I said, you’d be trapped. And eventually, you’d go insane. Maybe after a few months, maybe after a year, but if you’re locked up inside a small building, with the same people every day, with hordes of zombies outside whose only purpose is to get in to eat your face off, I wouldn’t blame you.



Thing is though, if you were just as persistent, you could easily survive on the road during a Romero invasion. A lot of literature on the subject (and there’s a lot of it, trust me. If you’re after something, pick up The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks) says that if there is a zombie invasion, you shouldn’t travel, but if you have to, travel alone. Be a lone wolf. I disagree. I think two people, travelling together and taking shifts, would be the best way to survive. One person sleeps while the other keeps watch, as Romero zombies aren’t fast, you literally could just run away from them, and their subtle satire on consumerism. The best thing is, assuming you could procure one, is that you wouldn’t need to use any form of firearm too often. Just as long as you stayed fit and healthy enough to run away, no weapons would be needed. But you should still carry some form of heavy blunt object with a long enough killing distance, like a spade or cricket bat. And cool as computer games have made it look, a chainsaw is really not a good thing to use, if such an invasion were to happen in real life.



However, if the zombie apocalypse was of the 28 Days Later/2004 Dawn of the Dead ilk, your survival chances drop significantly. We’ll call them the modern zombie and basically…these fuckers are fast. So you’ve got to be prepared.


Numbers are key in this situation. You need as many people around you as possible so as you can take shifts easily so other people can get some sleep, and be alert enough to cover your back whenever you need to sleep. And having more eyes about the place never hurts, as with more eyes, you can cover more places that the zombies could come from. Also it’d be best to find as wide and as open a space as you can find, but while still inside. Outdoors is a big no-no in this kind of invasion. Actually, a shopping centre is probably the best place to mount your offensive, as you can see in all directions (more or less) from a central focal point. If we take Ards Shopping Centre as an example, if you stationed folks at the both of the crossroads in it, you could see in all directions and would be able to ping a modern zombie’s head off before he got too close.




Which leads me to my next point. With the modern zombie, you’re going to needs guns.

Lots of guns.

You will not be able to run from these guys. You could maybe outrun one or two, but if there are a lot of them, you are screwed. That zombie bite has made them better, faster, stronger. They have been rebuilt, they have the technology, and they will chew your arm off for a laugh. Guns are an essential aspect of a modern zombie invasion. Get them however you can, and horde ammo like your life depended on it. Cause it will. I won’t go into gun specifics, cause I wouldn’t know what I’m talking about, but get some long range bad boys as well as something a little more close quarters. The shotgun has been immortalised as the weapon of choice for zombie killing, and I’d have to agree; it probably would be your best friend. Actually, your best friend should be a guy with a good aim.



And now, just a couple of general rules, no matter what kind of zombie you’re facing:

Do not go anywhere alone. This is good advice for the Romero invasion, but especially so with a modern one; as zombies have no regard for their own well being they will smash through anything to reach you. So don’t think because you’ve locked yourself in a room that you’re safe. Always take an armed partner with you wherever you go. You should also be armed at all times.

Always know where the exits are. In case you get cornered by a horde of blood thirsty undead prinks or if they’re blocking your usual exit, make sure you know that there are other ways out. No point running around an unfamiliar place, and running into a dead end. It’s zombie chow for you then. Never run upstairs while being chased unless you have a plan (as you’re effectively trapping yourself) and never lead them in to places that are secure.

Medical supplies. Carry them, and have someone who knows how to use them.

Be ruthless. You get bit, get someone to kill you. Someone gets bit, kill them. Has to be done. Or you could let them go out in a blaze of glory, preferably involving explosives, mainly cause this is what Every Zombie Movie Ever does.

And after all that, have fun.

I mean, it is the end of the world. Time to nut up, or shut up.

JC

What? You think just because a guy reads comics he can't start some shit?

Comics.



I'm something of a novice when it comes to comics. Only just recently getting into them in a big way. When I say that it's not in a 'get every single issue on the day it comes out' kind of guy. I'm more of a 'buy the trade paperback after a lot of research into exactly what it is I want' kind of guy (Hey, I've just got myself a mortgage, I can't afford to buy every comic that looks cool).

But it's been bugging me recently that a lot of people still think that comics are the arena of the nerd. The geek. The spaz. The social retard. And to some extent...that's kind of true.



But in this day and age where The Dark Knight is one of the top grossing films of all time, you'd think people would be getting into comics more and more.

This is not the case.

Example, before the Watchmen movie came out I decided to read the graphic novel, as I hadn't done so before. And while I don't think it deserves all the praise it gets (mainly cause Alan Moore pisses me off), I thought it was pretty damn good nonetheless. People in work saw me reading it and gave me looks of derision. Fair enough says I, they're uneducated in the ways of comics. But then these same people went to see the movie when it came out. So why should they be so willing to scorn people who read the comics. Are they still considered to be a children's hobby by the masses, reading the funny pages. Is liking a movie based on a comic, better, more socially acceptable, than liking the thing on which it was based?

Although, one person in my work didn't like Watchmen movie at all. His review, verbatim, was this: What the fuck was that all about? And why was that blue queer walking about with his dick out?



I'm currently enjoying Y The Last Man at the minute. It's probably the best work of fiction I've read in a while, has some truly stuning artwork and the the srory and lead charcters are compelling, yet when the eventual movie comes round (depsite that it's been stuck in Development Hell for a while) the people who will go and see it will do so because bloody Shia Leboeuf is likely to land the role of Yorick.



I don't have a problem with the movie adaptations themselves, but the double standards that go with the people who watch them yet would never think to pick up the source material, or worse still, dismiss them as being childish and stupid. Watchmen made Time Magazine's 100 best novels. That's novels, not graphic novels, folks. Give them a chance, you might like them.

So, what do you all think?

My top gaming moments ever

Just thought I'd note down a run through of some of my favouriteas gaming moments of my life so far. Some of these are scripted moments that every pweson playing said game will experience, some of them are personal to myself. All of them are awesome.

The opening of Call of Duty 4.



I remember watching this as it's unskippable while you're playing, and thinking that it's pretty awesome. I also remember thinking that at some point the actual game would kick in and I would save the dude that lookes like he's going to be executed. Every time there was a point that I thought I would jump in, the cutscene just kept going, and going and going. Then the head terrorist guy raises his gun. I thought that maybe the game would jump back a bit and let me play. And then...it didn't. The president dude was dead. An audacious, powerful, unexpected opening to one of the best games I have ever played.

Staying with CoD 4: The nuke



Normally once the game takes over from you at the end of a level, this means everything will be ok. Not so here. Here, everything goes to hell. I do rmember an audible 'holy sh*t' when playing this for the first time. And as with the opening scene of CoD4 the aftermath of the nuke, as your soldier crawls about before finally dying, is undoubtedly powerful. These two scenes are more grand in scale than anything the sequel had to offer. Not saying MW2 is bad, just a bit overblown at times. This, while nothing original, had enough of an effect to truly hit home.

Red Dead Redemption, Arrival in Mexico



I've talked about this before, but it still is one of the finest, most breathtaking moments I have ever experiecened in all my gaming life. You get on your horse, start riding and the most perfect song starts up as you ride to your destination. I guess it depends on what you do once you get on you horse, but for me, I rode along the coast, watching the God rays burst through the clouds and glisten on the water below. May e that's a bit dramatic but it really is the perfect marriage of atmospherics, setting and music. It really is superb.

Halo: Combat Evolved, first appearance of the Flood.



People forget that while the enemies, The Flood, were stuffed into Halos 2 and 3, in the first one, no-one knew what they were. This cutscene terrified me seeing it for the first time. You don't expect to be scared playing Halo, but this was well creepy. Audiologs were commonplace in games were you could hear of weird stuff happening to charcters. This was the first one I can remember where you actually saw the menace before you yourself actually had to fight them. And that noise they make...ugh. Game over, man. Game over.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2, end cut scene.



As a 7 year old kid, this was the height of awesome.

Star Wars Battlefront, Mace Windu gets ate.

Right, so me and my good pal flipmofoxx are playing Star Wars Battlefront in uni, our rooms are beside each other and we're playing via system link. It's awesome. Star Wars Battlefront is basically a game that throws rebels and imperials into battle with each other, whoever kills the most wins. And every so often a jedi or sith will appear to help your side out. On this game, in the Dune Sea of Tatooine, Mace Windu comes to the aid of the Republic. After destroying a couple of driods, someone throws a thermal detonator at him. Mace Windu goes flying through the air, towards the Sarlacc. The sarlacc grabs Mace who's still in mid air and swallows him whole. Flipmo and I both see this, deem it hilarious, and still talk about it to this day. FACT!

"Feed me"

Beating Gears of War 2 on Insane



Now, Gears of War 2 on insane isn't that hard really, it's more of a slog just to get through it, but damn if completing it wasn't the most satisfying gaming moment in a long while. Getting 150G's for doing it also didn't hurt. I'm sure Blind Dave will agree.

Every second of every Oddworld game ever



...but if you're looking for specifics, then the first Oddworld game there ever was, Abe's Oddysee gets my vote. Back on the Playstation it was the first game I ever actually bought with my own money. I remember playing it on a demo disc I got free with a magazine and knew that I had to have it when it came out. To this day I can still remember most of the opening narration to the first cut scene: "This is Rupture Farms. They say it's the biggest meat processing plant on Oddworld. I used to work here. Well, I was really a slave like all the others."



Watching that back, it still looks pretty impressive graphically and with it's mix of puzzles and humour, the game never got boring. Although it did get very very frustrating at certain parts near the end. I remember continually dying. If I could compare it to any more recent game, it would be Portal. Speaking of...

Still Alive - Portal



You really have to have played though the whole game to appreciate this song, but trust me, it was awesome.

The cake is a lie.

Wolverine, Schmolverine

With the news that the sequel to Wolverine is getting started quite soon I thought I’d reflect of the first movie.



Before it came out I was properly excited about it. I loved the portrayal of Wolverine in the 3 X-Men movies (yes, even the third) and had high hopes for this one focusing solely on everyone’s favourite Canadian with claws. After seeing it in the cinema, I thought it was quite good. Nothing special but alright. Subsequent watches however have made me realise what an absolute turkey it really is. Everything after Logan leaves the team is utter tripe. Here’s why:

1. This is the prime offender for me. It’s an offhand line that if you don’t think about it, you can ignore it. But when Stryker is loading his gun with adamantium bullets he says this gem “They won’t kill him, but they will erase his memory” or something like that anyway. What? How can you possibly know that? It also contradicts the established rules of Wolverine. His body regenerates; I imagine the memory centre of his brain would too. It’s lazy, half assed and just plain bad writing; solely there to get Logan’s memory erased.

2. Wolverine in this movie is an absolute pussy. In the first X-Men movie and to a greater extent the second, we were lead to believe that Wolverine was the ultimate badass. Yet from his induction, along with Victor, (who constitutes another gripe of mine) he does nothing but question everything Team X are doing. Fair enough, but the Wolverine I wanted was someone who was trying to atone for horrible things he’d done. Not just trying to escape the people doing Very Bad Things. X2 made it seem like he and Stryker were a force to be reckoned with; this movie makes Stryker ineffectual, and Wolverine impotent.

3. This is more a continuity thing. Victor is Sabretooth. Sabretooth from X1. If they’re going for the same universe here, they could have given Logan another superpowered brother, instead of contradicting a movie that chronologically comes later. (Victor however is one of the saving graces of this movie)



4. While holding your dead lovers body, your emotions overcome you and you yell towards the heavens. F*ck. Right. Off. It’s awful, and the most embarrassing point in the whole movie.

5. The origin of the adamantium claws. There’s nothing wrong with it in the movie per se, but I really felt we got all the info we needed in X2. Did we really need to see Wolverine actually getting the claws? No, and as such this scene is utterly extraneous. As is the whole movie really.

6. Logan meeting Ma and Pa Kent. Which leads to the painful to watch ‘comedy’ destruction of the bathroom. Which brings me on to…

7. The FX on the claws. What, did you not have enough money to do them properly? The claws looked better in X1, nine years previous.

8. Characters in the movie, just for the sake of being there. For example, cool as his powers looked, Gambit was basically just a plot device to get Wolverine to where he needed to be. And also, it seemed a lot of characters were just thrown in because of how cool their powers looked, not that they served any real purpose. The only one who made any sort of impression was Ryan Reynolds’ Deadpool, who was only in it for 5minutes (if even).



9. Logan doesn’t even get anything cool to say or do. No “You’re a dick,” no “Grow those back.” However, there’s nothing as bad as “I’m the Juggernaught, bitch!” Actually, “I’m gonna cut your goddamn head off. See if that works” is pretty good.


10. Lack of any memorable action set piece, which is odd, considering there’s so many of them. Logan and Victor’s fight is probably the best, but it still looks like Superman v Superman. It should really be a knock down, drag out kind of thing. Like a boxing match, not a wire fu showcase. Same goes for their second fight in the alley. Logan versus the helicopter isn’t really exciting, as the outcome is never in doubt (Again, that’s something that could be said of the whole movie). Wolverine in the mansion in X2, full on Berserker rage is probably my favourite comic book movie moment. Nothing in this comes close, not involving Wolverine anyway. Deadpool’s sword swinging exit from the list is, admittedly, pretty awesome.

Hopefully the sequel can make up for the shortcomings of the first. I know I’ll still go and watch it regardless, but please, sort it out.

Never give up, never surrender

Spoofs, they’re hard to do right. The Naked Gun did it well. Hot Shots did it even stupider, but still well. And of course, Airplane set the template.

But for every one of those you have an Epic Movie, or a Date Movie. Modern ‘spoofs’ that completely fail to hit the mark.

The last good spoof I feel that was wholly successful was Galaxy Quest. If you haven’t seen it, go and watch it now.

Ok, have you watched it yet? Good.



I first watched it ages ago back on VHS. I remember sitting down and watching it with everyone in my house. And we all loved it. It was on TV last night and even though I was knackered and it wasn’t over til about half 12, I watched the whole damn thing again anyway. It’s the story of a washed up bunch of actors from a cancelled sci-fi show, being mistaken by real aliens as real astronauts, and being brought into the middle of a battle between the Thermians and some evil dude called Sarris on an exact recreation of their ship from the TV show, which the Thermians believe to be ‘histoical documents.’ Mistaken identity is always good comic fodder, taking it into space multiplies it ten fold.

At its core, Galaxy Quest is a loving pastiche of both Star Trek, as well as the actors and fans of Star Trek. But it never looks down its nose at its clear inspiration. Tim Allen’s character is basically William Shatner taken to a comic extreme (I hope), and is the most obvious connection to Trek.



But the movie really is a fine ensemble of some fine comic actors. Or at least actors with a knack for comedy. It’s easily Tim Allen’s best live action role. Tony Shaloub gets a lot of laughs out of his character who doesn’t seem fazed by anything going on around him – “That was a hell of a thing.” Justin Long plays the nerdy kid with just the right level of nerd-dom and excitement. Sigourney Weaver purpose in the show within the movie was the eye candy and that’s more or less her role in the actual movie. But what eye candy she is. Surprising eye candy too. Daryl Mitchell playing the now adult child star of the series gets a lot of mileage from his out of his depth pilot. Alan Rickman, as the Shakespearean actor who feels this sci-fi guff is below him, steals every scene he in, as long as he’s not in it with Sam Rockwell, who just about walks off with the entire movie as Guy, Crewman No 6. Or the redshirt character, who’s convinced he’s going to be killed off to show the situation is serious. Every line he has is pure gold. I’ll single out the scene in which he’s first transported to the alien ship and just screams as a comic highlight. As well as the final shot of the movie, “…and introducing Guy Fleegman” always leaving me crying with laughter. If there’s a youtube clip of his best moments from the movie I’ll throw it up here.



Also, a special mention must go to Veronica Mars' dad himself, Enrico Colantoni for his endearing portrayal of Mathesar, the leader of the Thermians. Having to do that voice throughout the entire movie deserves some kind of award. Apparently it was his own idea as well.



The great thing about the movie is that it’s not just a set up for some great laughs. There is an actual plot to the movie, unlike the recent modern ‘spoofs’ which are just a collection of pop culture references thrown in for the forgetful and the stupid. And as well as having a decent plot it also embraces some elements of sci-fi itself. We’re not talking complicated stuff here, but it at least recognises that to be a sci-fi spoof you need more than some aliens thrown in. There are elements that they take seriousy(ish) with the Omega 13 device, and some not so serious (such as why would a spaceship have a bunch of stompy crushy things in the middle of it, other than the fact that it created peril in a TV episode of the show and as such the Thermians recreated it).

As well as the comedy and the science fiction, it’s got some damn good action in there too. The flight through the mine field in space being both a hilarious and exciting scene. As well as the reversal of it near the end being just about as exciting as any serious space set movie – “What you fail to realise is that my ship is dragging mines.”

So, to finish here’s a few of the best lines from said movie.

- “You broke the ship. You broke the bloody ship.”

- “Don’t open that. It's an alien planet. Is there air? You don’t know.”

- “By Grabthar's hammer, by the sons of Worvan, you shall be avenged.”

Jason Nesmith: You're not gonna die on the planet, Guy.
Guy Fleegman: I'm not? Then what's my last name?
Jason Nesmith: It's, uh, uh - -I don't know.
Guy Fleegman: Nobody knows. Do you know why? Because my character isn't important enough for a last name, because I'm gonna die five minutes in.

Brandon's Mom: Where are you going with those fireworks?
Brandon: Well, the Protector got super-accelerated coming out of the black hole, and it, like, nailed the atmosphere at Mach 15, which, you guys know, is pretty unstable, obviously, so we're gonna help Laredo guide it on the vox ultra-frequency carrier and use Roman candles for visual confirmation.
Brandon's Mom: Uh, all right, dinner's at seven.

[Reading a tactical display]
Guy Fleegman: Hey guys, there's a red-thingy moving toward the green-thingy.
Jason Nesmith: What?
Guy Fleegman: Red-thingy moving toward the green-thingy. I think we're the green-thingy.

Gwen DeMarco: Alex, where are you going?
Sir Alexander Dane: To see if there's a pub.

Go and watch it again.

You know you want to.

The UFO: The Big Lebowski

Right, so, after being told for like the past ever to watch this movie, I finally got around to it last week. Somewhat controversially, I was underwhelmed, confused and worst of all, bored.

That's not to say it's a bad movie. It's not. I just don't think it's as good as everyone says. The charcters were great. I love The Dude's apathy and general easy going-ness throughout the whole movie, as well as the fact that the reason he gets messed up in this whole mess is because he wants a replacement rug (the previous one having been pissed on. Shame as it really tied the room together). He's cool, and instantly likable. I liked John Goodman's Walter Sobchak; the angry, bitter Vietnam vet, who turns everything into an argument.

And I liked the joke that all this stuff is going on around these two yet neither one of them gets too fazed by it all, as they really just want to get back to bowling.



I just didn't get engaged in the movie as there was no real point to it. Which yes, I get was actually the point of the movie, that there is no point, but without a beginning, middle and satisfying end, the whole thing felt kind of hollow to me, like the Coen's just decided to say "America's weird, y'all" and see if we bought into the joke. Also what was the point of Julianne Moore's character really?

I just thought that while the characters were rich and well written, the plot didn't do good service to them. You could do much funnier and cleverer things with the two main charcters, and Donnie (SHUT THE F*CK UP DONNIE!) than I felt was done here.

Maybe I'm missing something and I might change my mind on a rewatch but as it stands, I was quite disappointed. I was expecting something blackly comic in the vein of Fargo, but instead got a mystery movie, where the mystery didn't matter, but the journey to the reveal bored me.

Sorry.