Tuesday 27 April 2010

You and me are done professionally, man.



So, I recently watched Terminator Salvation again. It's an alright movie, nothing spectacular or anything but it reminded me of this (if you havemn't heard it, have a listen):



Admittedly, the first few times you hear it, it's pretty funny to hear Bale ranting like a madman, mainly for the "Oooooooh, goooooooooood for you," "Ah-da-da-da-da-da" and the way his accent changes from American to his normal English one and back again several times, but after that it just becomes uncomfortable to hear him lay into the DP. If Christian Bale called me a prick I would lay into him, and tell him to light the movie with the light that supposedly shines out of his arse.

And the gall of him to be calling the shots on the scene, then when someone tells him to calm down, he loses it again. I think Bale's a good actor, but in this he just comes across as a massive tool. And things reach a head when it sounds like he tries to take a swing at the DP.

Christian, what don't you f*ckin' understand? Quit taking your 'job' so seriously. You get paid to play dress up and make believe. And it's not as if Terminator Salvation is a particularly emotional movie. Chill out dude, or you and me, we're done professionally.

Douchebag.

However, if it hadn't happened, we wouldn't have these:



And this is my favourite, "You punch your mother with that mouth."



Anyway, genius.

Thursday 22 April 2010

Come Dine With Me? No ta, I'll get a Chinese.

If there were a show that I’d like to disappear from the TV schedules and never return, it would be Come Dine With Me. In fact, I despise it so much that I’d like to have access to a time machine just so I could go back in time to kill the person that came up with the idea.

Not a day goes by with at least half an hour of CDWM being broadcast on some channel. Most annoyingly of all the daily dose of CDWM is on a half 5 – exactly the time that I’m usually sitting down to have my dinner. And my parents always watch the show, so I am forced to. I am usually found sitting, shovelling my dinner into me as quick as possible to get away from the mind numbing, soul crushing nature of the show.

Week in, week out it’s exactly the same show. People throw a dinner party for 3 other total strangers, they rate each others food, argue, bitch, moan and at the end of it all, the person with the highest score wins a grand.

But not only is the entire premise of the show repeated ad nauseum, the types of people they have on are always the same. Here’s a run down of the types of people the show has on continually.

The Dumb One: the most common of them all. One person who while all the others are making conversation, will be sat in the corner smiling and nodding. There was one woman the other night who, completely seriously and without knowing how stupid she sounded, described herself as a food ‘cricket.’

The Weird One: one woman had her own placenta in her freezer. And she showed her guests. Nuff said.

The Posh One: the one who will have a massive house, and will get his butler to serve his guests. Will more than likely alienate the common one in the group with his over the top-ness. Never usually wins as the less posh people hate him.

The Foody: the one who will not be happy with anything presented to them and criticises the food every chance they can. However, this normally backfires whenever it’s their turn to host and the guests all are expecting 5* food and he gives them something equivalent to a dog turd in a bun.

The B*stard: the aggressive one who more often than not thinks everything is an argument and flies off the handle at the slightest provocation. Incidentally, he’s the most fun to watch. Until it gets uncomfortable and he starts calling the hostess ‘fat and ugly’ which has actually happened before.

The Slutty One: this category is mostly populated by ladies in the 40 and over age group. Mainly thinking that there will be men that have been invited and this will be their chance to impress them, show plenty of leg and cleavage on show despite the fact that there a good few years over the hill and should probably cover them up. For all our sakes.

The Drunk One: a lot of the time this is connected with the slutty one, and is usually also the one person who really dislikes the food that has been prepared and just drinks all of the hosts wine instead. One woman actually fell asleep at the table the other night.

The Cheating One: the person who despite everyone else liking the food, refuses to give that nights host a good score because it might jeopardise her (I say her, because it usually is) own chances of winning. Again, one of the most common, because, well, people are greedy really.

The Two Blokes Who Try To Out-Bloke Each Other: self explanatory really. And the word bloke could be substituted for anything else really. Posh, Cooks, Idiots.

The only saving grace of the show is the voiceover guy, but even he’s starting to get on my nerves.

Come Dine With Me? I’d rather eat on my own, thanks.

Monday 19 April 2010

Silent clocks, WW2 Daleks and Hot alien reptiles

For Whom The Silent Clock Tolls.



24, eh? I’ve stuck with it through the highs and the (very) lows. And despite the fact that I know it won’t reach the once great heights it achieved back in its first three seasons, there are the occasional episodes where the show takes you by surprise. And last night’s was one of them.

It reminded me of what I love about 24 without it becoming daft. Jack and team discovered where Hassan was being held and had to get to him before he was executed live over the internet. It was tense, it was exciting and it had me on the edge of my seat. The reversal of our expectations however was beautifully played. Not only did Jack not save the day in the nick of time as he usually does but the head terrorist bloke get away, and it was discovered that the ‘live’ broadcast was actually on a delay of a few minutes and Hassan had already been executed. It was gut wrenching, heart breaking and bloody awesome. Perhaps the best hour of 24 this season.

Yes, you could argue that the show did the same thing with Chappelle back in season 3(still my favourite 24 moment ever, for the sheer sucker punch effect it had) but it didn’t make it any less emotional, and reminded the audience that 24 isn’t, and has never been, afraid to do big things within its own universe. And for that, I applaud it.

RIP Hassan, you and your amazing hair will be missed. The silent clock was well deserved.

“WOULD. YOU. LIKE. SOME. TEA?”



So, after a fantastic first episode for Matt Smith, a stuttering second, he has his first plain bad one. Not that he isn’t good in it or the ideas raised are bad, just the whole episode felt like a bunch of ideas thrown at the screen and hoping they made enough sense to form a good story.

They didn’t.

The WW2 setting didn’t really add much apart from allowing the show to shoehorn Winston Churchill in. It really could have been set in any time period and would still have had the same effect. And also, I was distracted by the actor playing Churchill’s flabby jowls the whole time too.

So, yeah, Daleks. Again. I’m not one to complain about the overuse of Daleks in Who, but there inclusion here just seemed like an excuse to create more Daleks (as they’ve been completely wiped out a few times now) for when they inevitably return later down the line, in much greater numbers most likely. And that alone was not plot enough for a whole episode.

One thing I did like however, was the notion that Amy didn’t remember the Daleks from before (the whole stolen planet thing) and that she should. Interesting little plot point, obviously related to the cracks in time thing that has been in the three episodes thus far. Hopefully they’re not making her special in some way like they did with Donna. It worked for her, but doing it again would be far too soon.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the Mighty Morphin’ Power Daleks. (see above)

A missed opportunity. Hopefully next weeks ‘Blink’ sequel doesn’t mess up the weeping angels.

Lost, "Everybody Loves Hugo"



Much like the past few weeks of 24, Lost has also been on a roll. After last weeks tremendous Desmond episode we had a not-as-good-as-last-weeks-but-still-better-than-most-of-this-series-so-far episode. And it was a Hurley one. And who doesn’t like Hurley?

Again, this episode feels like it’s moving the plot along, even if it’s doing it very slowly. The flash sideways universe is still interesting and (much like last weeks) is segueing into the main island plotline too. With only a few episodes left though, the show’s got a lot of ‘splaining to do.

I don’t have much else to say about this episode as I feel I can’t really comment upon in much without viewing it in the wider context of the whole premise of the show. So I’ll just say it was very nice seeing Libby again and her reunion and date that never was with Hurley was quite sweet. Seeing Michael again was another welcome surprise, but annoyed me in that seeing him reminded me that we’ll probably never get an answer to Walt’s specialness before the show ends.

Oh, and why the hell did alt-Desmond run alt-Locke over?

V



I watched the first episode of V on the SyFy (ugh, seriously?) Channel during the week, and was quite impressed by it. I remember watching the original during the 90’s at some point when it was repeated. So, I knew the basic alien reptile folk disguised as human folk story. And it seems like this reboot is trying to do a BSG, and I’m quite hopeful that it keeps running. Not sure how long they can stretch the premise out for, but I reckon I’ll stick around.

And also, if the aliens looked like Inara off Firefly and Kara off Smallville, I’d welcome them in a heartbeat. Even if they wanted to rip off my face.

Sunday 11 April 2010

Shark Jumping




Ok, first of all here's the dictionary definition of 'jumping the shark' and by dictionary I mean wikipedia.

The phrase jump the shark refers to the climactic scene in "Hollywood", a three-part episode opening the fifth season of the American TV series Happy Days in September 1977. In this story, the series' central characters visit Los Angeles, where Fonzie (Henry Winkler), wearing swim trunks and his trademark leather jacket, jumps over a confined shark on water skis, answering a challenge to demonstrate his bravery. The series continued for nearly seven years after that, with a number of changes in cast and situations.

The expression was popularized in 1985 by Jon Hein, who would later create the web site jumptheshark.com (which now redirects to TVGuide.com). Hein explained the concept as follows: "It's a moment. A defining moment when you know that your favorite television program has reached its peak. That instant that you know from now on...it's all downhill. Some call it the climax. We call it 'Jumping the Shark.' From that moment on, the program will simply never be the same."



So, I can't remember why I got thinking about this topic, but here's where some of my favourite shows jumped the shark. Which is not to say after the shark jumping the show is bad, just past it's peak. And here goes:

Buffy: after the introduction of Dawn. Everything got too damn depressing. The show was still good but not nearly as much fun to watch.

Angel: the introduction of Connor. The storyline went seriously mental after this. And again wasn't as fun to watch. Season 5 of Angel kinda sorta redeemed the show, but it was never as good as it had been in season 2 and the first half of 3.

24: Hmmm, you could say the cougar incident, but for me 24 went majorly downhill after they killed Curtis. Not that he was vital but just that the episodes after he died got so preposterous that I lost interest. Season 6 was the nadir of 24 and it's struggled to achieve it's once great highs since.

BSG: After finding Earth being a wasteland and the reveal of the final Cylon the show got too obsessed with sorting out it's own mysteries instead of just kicking Cylon arse. And it still didn't make sense.

Smallville: This show has jumped the shark so many times it's not funny. But the ultimate one had to be when Lex left. Being the crux of the show for so long, for him to just leave was criminal.

Friends: The Vegas epsiode when Ross and Rachel got accidentally married. The show was still funny but just beyond dumb by that point.

There are others but that's all I can think of for now. If you can think of other shark jumping moments, post 'em.

Friday 9 April 2010

Lost - "Happily Ever After"




Now, recently I've been vrey very frustrated wityhh this final season of Lost. Before the season started we were promsed answers to most of our questons about the show. And yes, while we've got a few, the first 10 episodes have been so slow and plodding, pace-wise that I'd almost started to lose interest. Well, all that changed affter tonights stellar episode. It was a Desmond centric one and was the best of the season so far, just as another Desmond centric epsiode was in season 4 - "The Constant." Oh, and there'll be spoilers from here on in, in case you haven't watched it already.

So, the majority of the episode was a flash sideways for Desmond. Most of the flash sideways before this ep have been kind of fun to watch but seemingly pointless with only flashes of characters feeling like Something's Not Quite Right (and quite similar to when other people showed up in someone elses flashBACK in thhe first few seasons of Lost). Desmond's was the first to actually address the not-quite-right feeling head on. And it was done so with the help of Charlie. Good old Charlie. One of my favourite characters rght from the start of the show, turning up again to get the show back on track. And yes, I did smile when You All Everybody came on the radio.

The way he made Desmond realise that the flash sideways universe/alternate universe was not right was genius and called back to one of Lost's greatest and most emotional lmoents: Charlie dying way back at the end of season three. It was a nce little shoutout to us long time viewers. And from there the whole episode seemed to, but didn't quite (it is Lost, after all) answer some questions. What we do know for sure (maybe) is that some characters in the alti-verse know that it's not right and are also aware of the bleeding effect, such as Charlie, Faraday, and now Desmond. You know, the bleeding effect? Like when Jack looked in the mirror and noticed a scar he didn't remember getting. And it looks like alti-verse Desmond is going to tie the two universes (that's the altiverse AND the on island universe. Keep up.) together by telling the passengers off the 815 manifest to pay attention to the bleeding effect.

I rambled on a bit there but the jist is, Lost is back on form with the best epsiode if this current season (for me anyway) and I am eagerly awaiting the final episodes.

I've also just realised that this will make no sense to non-Lost viewers.

Tuesday 6 April 2010

Doctor Who, Clash of the Titans, Kick-Ass and Paranormal Activity

"I am definately a madman with a box."

And so, the new Doctor is finally here, and somehow it seems as though I've forgotten David Tennant already. Strange that, considering up until about a month ago I was dreading all things New New Who. Now, I loved David Tennant in the role, don't get me wrong, but this new chap is simply brilliant from the off. David Tennants first real epsiode (The Christmas Invasion doesn't really count) was a bit rubbish really, wasn't it? New Earth and all that body switching gubbins.

Anyway, on to the episode proper; a stunning pre titles sequence with great (for British TV) CGI; a great frenetic story which didn't really hold mustard if you thought about it for too long; a fantastic, and different, introduction to the new companion; and hints at this series' arc plot - The Pandronica/"Silence will fall." All very very interesting.

The bad: The new theme. Awful in my own humble opinion. Sounds like you're listening to it under water. But the score during the episode itself was fine.

All in all, stupidly excited for the next 12 epsiodes. Home Guard daleks, Weeping Angels, and River Song. Allons-y.

Onto Clash of the Titans.

I could just review this by saying Big, Dumb Fun.

But I won't.

It was big dumb fun, and completely throwaway, but for a hour and 40 minutes entertainment, you do do much worse. Sam Worthington is a solid enough lead after playing second fiddle to the 3D in Avatar, which was the real reason everyone and their dog went to see it anyway. He has a sort of easy charm and I find it impossible not to like him even though he not really a great actor. The "anguished scream" after his family are killed at the start of the movie (Oh, spoilers) is woeful. Like watching Darth Vader's "Noooooooooooooooooooo" again. The movie itself is a road journey with various monsters chucked in along the way; the best of which is a giant scorpion attack which is very Harryhausen-esque. The bit in the Medusa's lair however is a missed opportunity and over with far too quickly. The same of which could be said for the film istelf. Oddly, I would complain about a film being too long, but this could have benefited from another 20 or 30 minutes. Overall, a not bad 5 and a half out of 10.

Oh, and however decided to put Liam Neeson in shiny armour needs fired. He looked about as threatening as a teapot.

"That's right, we're superheroes. You love us."

Now, here's where I get controversial. Everyone (critics and the general public) is saying Kick Ass is pretty much perfect. I have to disagree. I liked it, but I didn't think it was as good as everyone is saying. It's certainly the most original comic book based movie there's ever been, mainly as it's set in the real world. When you're watching Spiderman or X Men you know despite the fact that it's meant to be 'our world,' it isn't. It's always still a fantasy one. This is rooted in relaity and is better for it. That's not to say it's not fun, exciting, funny and brutal. It's all of those things. And then some. For me, Nicolas Cage stole the show with his Adam West-a-like Big Daddy.

The action was great with a favourite for me being Big Daddy's ambush on the lumber warehouse set to a great piece of music, previously heard in 28 Days Later (during another ambush actually. Hmmm.) as well as Hit Girl's attack on the place where...well, I don't want to spoil it. The internet bit, let's say. Hit Girl was obviosuly the most controversy courting character but throughout the whole movie, I actuallty found her to be quite sweet and her 'origin story' was so twisted and brilliant it reminded me of O-Ren origin story from Kill Bill. Overall, 8 out of 10.

"No. I promised you I wasn't going to buy a Ouija board. I didn't buy a Ouija board. I borrowed a Ouija board."



Kind of a funny quote there from an altogether uncomfortable to watch movie. We've all seen the trailers in which we're shown reaction shots of the audience. And yes, while there are certain parts of the movie that will make you jump, they're few and far between. However, the point of the movie for me was not the jumpy parts but the torturous build up before them. Seriously, you could be watching something like the above picture for a good minuite while nothing happens and you'd still be bricking it. It's the knowing that Something Is Going To Happen that really freaks you out.

The ending though was a bit of a cop out I reckon. Of the two endings on the dvd I watched the alternate unused one was better. SPOILERS The one actually in the movie has the female lead possessed, she kills her boyfriend, throws him into the bedroom then lunges at the camera with her face all deformed and demony. The alternate ending has her kill him downstairs, her slowly walk back to the bedroom, stand in front of the camera and kill herself. I found it to be a far better ending. END SPOILERS

Recommended if you want a scare, but you'll never watch it more than once.

Anyway, those are my reviews. There'll be more soon. Hopefully.

Right, let's begin...

So, as you can see from the first post on this blog that I didn't even know I had, apparently I did let this one fall by the wayside. Anyway, as from today, this will be my dedicated blogging site in which I review the latest movies, TV shows and anything else that currently tickles my fancy.

I'll be linking it from my facebook as well so you lovely people can read it if you so wish.

So, tell your friends, your enemies, even your pets if you want them to know what they should and shouldn't be watching.

Ta.